Love?

For the past little bit I've been reflecting on Love Languages.

You know. The quality time, acts of service, gift giving, words of affirmation, and...touch?  I think the last one.

Yah.
Just been thinking on it.

Mostly because I've been realizing....that how I show love....isn't quite how I want to be given love in return?

I mean...

Just thinking about how I show love to others....it's usually in giving gifts, sometimes using words of affirmation, but also spending quality time with them. 

Which is big because like....I have plans and things I want to do. So sacrificing time to spend with a person usually means I care about them a lot. 

But at the same time...
I'm not quite sure what sort of love I want to receive back.

Which since I don't know for sure....
Makes me think that I don't often get it. *exhales*
Which is kind of depressing when you think about it.

I mean. Probably the most common love language I get back is words of affirmation. 
But like....not enough? I love talking with people, but sometimes they don't want to talk when I want to talk....

And I love gift giving....but I rarely get gifts back....so is that something I actually need myself as a show of love? Or is it more of what I like doing to show love to people?

Because honestly.
I feel quite content to be by myself doing my own thing.

Which isn't a bad thing.
And I honestly need some 'me' time away from people and responsibilities and worrying about others in order to recharge and relax.

But like....what love languages do I actually need? Which ones help me out? Which ones make me feel better?

And I think....
It might be the touch one.

I mean as a child my parents always said I was quite the cuddler.
And whenever I came home I loved spending time curled up between my parents with them on the bed as we watched shows and tv and such.

But like it's the main thing....that you don't really get.....in college town.
You're away from family.
More often away from friends.

And like touch just doesn't happen. 
Even with close friends....I haven't really had the sort of friendships where one just sprawls all over your friend and you're in constant contact and such.

So like....I do wonder....
If that's the main component of love languages that I'm missing.
That I need.
Just to be held by someone you know. 

*exhales*
Some days it's like a painful ache in the shoulders, something I can physically feel.
A need to just curl up against someone else. Rest my head on their chest, listening to their heart beat and lungs breathing and feeling their arms wrapped around me.....

So I'd like to think that I need more touch in my life....

But at the same time...it has its own draw backs.
Because I can be rather sensitive to people's energies. 
So even if I crave a hug, they don't always help if the other's energies aren't jiving with mine.

Which has made the past couple of months more difficult I think.
Because my usual sources of comfort and hugs....
Have been emotionally effected.

So yah.....I'm surviving off of substitutes now I think. Heat packs being the main one. 
But like the other love languages. Trying to give more quality time, words of affirmation, gift giving.....in hopes that I'll be able to get a  little bit of love language back.....

Not sure it's working.
But I'm trying what I can. 

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi