Crash and Burn

I went too hard.

Pushed too much.

Gave too much energy.

I kinda wasn't surprised.
I realized I was overworking myself.

But my gift..and failing...is that I want to help people out.
And make them happy. 

So I do what I can to ease their burdens and help them feel less stress.
Whether it's cleaning or driving or organizing or moving things....

I do what I can and go out of my way to try and make them happy.

Which isn't usually that big of a deal. 
....When I can take time to myself and recharge. Do my own thing. 

I'm mostly an introvert after all.
And I feel better after I take time to be alone and just...recharge.

Which is hard to do when you're surrounded by people who don't understand the concept of 'recharging' when you're alone. 

But it's also hard to do when I'm focused so much on trying to help other people that I end up having no time to take to myself.

And since Wednesday....that's what I've been doing. 

Helping others. Running hard.
With cleaning.
With running errands.
With playing chauffeur. 
I've had no 'me' time.

Which....I probably should have taken some time to myself today.
Slept in. Or just hung out at home.

But I could see a need.
See that Kikay needed help moving the last of her things from Daddoo's house as her plans to do it last night got waylaid and I could tell it was stressing her out especially with her wedding happening tomorrow. 

So I volunteered to help her move the last of her things.
And then make the drive down to her house.
And help her unload the things and make sure everything was in order for the wedding and such. 

The migraine struck during the last hour that my godmother and I were helping out. 

Which was a sign of "hey you should take a break"

So I tried.
Took meds. Ate food. Drank liquids. Took a nap.

It didn't help.

I'd drained too much of my energy over the past few days. Stressing over things. Helping other people.

And my body was crying out for rest.
Crying out for some 'me' time.

Which I didn't want to do.
Because tonight was Kikay's Bachelorette party. And among playing Laser Tag, I'd also volunteered to help cook the dinner afterwards.
So I didn't want to miss it. At all.

I missed it.

On the drive back down to Collegetown since we were holding the party down there....I realized that I probably would be rather bad company. As the migraine was reaching the point where I was getting nauseous and my arms were tingling because my muscles were so tight.

Then I got word that other people were going to be delayed...I told my sister-in-law (who I had drive us down as I was tired of driving and also suffering from a migraine) to just drop me off at my house. I would take a shower. Maybe a nap and if I felt better would join them for the dinner but I would miss the laser tag. 
But just in case I couldn't make it to dinner. I made sure my sister-in-law could cook the meal I had volunteered to make.
Which she could.

So she dropped me off.
I took a long hot shower.
And then crashed for three hours on my bed.

Woke up just as the party was ending at the friend's place.

So yah. Bittersweet moment there. But Kikay did come to my place as she would be spending the night here with Ash. And she was super grateful that I had helped her this morning to get everything organized and to the house. So yah. Bittersweet.

But definitely lesson learned.
I need to take time for myself...or else I'll end up being forced to take time when I least want to. 
*exhales*

We'll see if I do better when another situation like this occurs. 

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi