A Swamp

Have you ever had those moments when you feel like you're on the right path and everything is going well...
but then something happens, someone says something, or does something....
and your path is shaken.
you're not sure if this is actually the right path you're supposed to be taking or if you're even going in the right direction?

That seems to be happening alot at the moment to me.
And I'm getting rather tired of going back from happy and confident to unsure and slightly scared and confused, back to happy, clearheaded mindedness and confidence again.

Often for me it seems like I go into something with my head held high, making my own choices, feeling that everything will work out and I can continue moving forward....
and then when I'm done taking my action.
Somebody questions it.
Wondering if I should have actually done it that way.
And that leaves me....back in a low again when I had just been in a high.
I start questioning again, over thinking things, and wondering if its right or not.

Its a delicate game I have to play with myself.
To listen to others and their concerns without having to get on the defensive about my choice, or swaying towards their point of view when my own point of view had been good enough before.
I need to walk a fine line, listening when it counts, and ignoring it when it doesn't.

But I do wonder sometimes....who is trying to influence me?
Right now....I have a hectic life....very crazy and chaotic...and its fun. :) lol.
It probably is somewhat as a trial...its slightly more difficult for me now to do what I want to do....
And I wonder if something appears during this time of struggle....that appears bright and is easy to get into...
If it actually is that...bright and easy.
Is it a type of 'reward' for continuing to move onward and not get bogged down in the swamp.
Or is it a distraction...that will lead me into more trials later on....and I'd end up stuck in the swamp instead of getting out of it....

I tend to think that its the first. That something good must happen to balance out the bad.
I just hope it is....or else I will see a sign that its not....
I don't know.
Its a new phase of life for me.
And I'm blindly walking in the fog shrouded swamp hoping that I will be able to get through it alive. Having not been eaten by alligators, or mosquitoes, with as little dirt and slime on me as possible, and having not gotten lost too badly. 
The Swamp has many paths for me to wade through. 
Some will suggest one path, others another. But its up to me to decide which path is the best for me...so that I will end up in the bright sunshine again soon. Happy with my choices and glad to see the sunlight...instead of feeling like I could have done something different to end up somewhere else much better....
I don't know.
I just need to tell myself...
To not get bogged down in the swamp.
Its only one of the many types of environments I will have to traverse during my lifetime. 

Until you next read these words;
I'll be watching the leaves.
Enjoy the day!

-Sarnic Dirchi

The Dream

I ran into Brandon Martindale....and I was really surprised to see him....because I thought he was still out on his mission. But he told me he had to come back early because he was sick. -It was a school scene- and constantly he was sick. Brother Peterson our teacher was used to it. Brandon constantly throwing up. He vomited right next to the teacher podium, but Brother Peterson just moved a step sideways and continued teaching.

I went into the grocery store to get some Salsa chips because someone had told me that if you stuff a bag of chips and grab them in a special way you could get more chips for your dollar. So I went to the area where they were selling 'loose chips' (Unbagged) -It was alot like how you pick up your fruits and veggies from the store.
So I went over that way and grabbed up a big armful of salsa chips and started to walk away eating them.
At one point I started dropping them (like on the other side of the chips thing.)
So I decided...this probably isn't good to be eating all the chips without paying for them. So I took the armful and put the chips back.....just as one of the managers showed up to tell me to put them back. lol. He was like "I'm glad to see you put those back blah blah blah" I nodded and spoke normally to him as I went to pick up the fallen chips and throw them in the garbage and then I grabbed Two...three of the bigger chips (because I apparently could eat a couple without getting into trouble...they are kinda like samples.) and walking away. The chips seemed to be really big....not in my hand but they just lasted for ever as I munched my way around the store.
I ran into my mom at one point as she was putting back an open bottle of Pineapple Soda. -The cart was filled with other two-liters of soda, but the Pineapple soda was in a big apple cider type jug. And I was curious as to why she picked up an open bottle in the first place (she put it back in the wrong spot by the by...it was with liquids...just not the soda pop)
And she basically rolled her eyes and told me that my brother had been" messing around again and broke it."
I was like "Ohhhh"
And I wondered why she was putting it back instead of just buying it anyway....

When the unholy tones of daylight pulled me away....
and I became myself again.

And that
is why the fox never came home. :)

-S.N.D